(FWIW, I didn't want to post this on the front page, I wanted to post it as a comment in the men vs. boys post, below, but I haven't been able to get the comment form to work in the last day and a half - stupid Zambian internet connection. Anyway - some of my thoughts below aren't stated as kindly as I would like them to come across, but I've stared at what I've written too many times now. I ask you to forgive me for not coming across softer, maybe after some time off I'll be a little better of a brother to you again, who knows.)

You know, I've been here for a couple years, at least, but I think I've pretty much had it. I'm not saying I won't be back someday, but I'm taking a long-term vacation from FF for my own sanity's sake.

I've weathered a lot of criticism from more than a couple of you on this site, and I think I've tried to stay pretty gracious about it, for the most part. I've tried to contribute a view from the less fairer sex, and time and time again I've had it thrown back in my face, sometimes subtly, sometimes not so. So here's some parting thoughts.

Generalizations. This is an incredibly important thing to understand: negatively generalizing any group of people inherently devalues certain members of the group that don't posess the traits common to the majority of said group. The same works in reverse, but don't kid yourself - this blog does a hell of a lot more of the former. I know - I've read it from the start. Here's some generalizations on women:

- Women talk too much. Gossip is far more common in women then men.
- Women let their emotions control themselves too much.
- Women use or withhold sex to get what they want.
- Women are more insecure and needy than men.
- Women blame men for all of their problems.

How does that make you feel?

Quit lumping me, and thousands of other decent, imperfect, Christian guys into the general category of all men, who play too many video games, drink too much beer, and are only interested in women for sex. Its literally dehumanizing to men who play video games and drink beer in moderation (or not at all), men who value women for their God-given qualities, physical, emotional, psychological, et. al., and are trying to protect their purity. Don't judge all men on your tiny, probably less-than-perfect dating history. And don't think for a second that you'll quit generalizing once you meet your special someone - its not a habit you can turn on and off like a light switch, and it will damage your relationship, should you ever meet him.

Stop assuming you can fix men. You can't. There's something wrong with every last one of us, even your precious Tyler Perry, as much as I hate to break it to you. The rather satisfying thing about that fact is that there's something wrong with every one of you too (and *that* statement about either sex is *not* a generalization). Stop thinking you're going to find the man who doesn't play video games, who doesn't want to spend an entire Sunday afternoon watching football, or who doesn't have some other means of enjoyment that you don't find the least bit interesting. Don't expect him to plop down next to you and pull out the needles every time you feel like knitting with a cup of tea. Try appreciating what you have in common, and what you don't, for a change. 80/20, anyone?

I can't tell you ladies how often I've been made to feelknow, thanks to careless words, that I'm not one of the few and far between. That's what we're all looking for in a life mate, as well we should, but the endless harping on the fact that you're pretty sure 99.9% of guys aren't up to par with what you'd prefer all men to be like, well it would take quite the narcissit to assume he's in the 0.1%. I certainly know I'm not anyone's Mr. Right, that much is clear. If I've made it this far without settling down with someone, there must be something horribly wrong with me. Guess what! There is. Its called sin, and its very contagious. You might want to wash your hands.

Stop blaming your singleness on men. Sure, its at least half our fault, but the point is that the constant and complete acquittal of yourselves in the overall process is self-righteous and a huge turn-off. Define hypocritical: reading about how passive the male sex is on the same blog I read about women bemoaning their Friday nights at home in their sweats. If cultural roles are changing, and men are getting more passive, the answer isn't to bitch about it, the answer is to positively be counter-cultural, and to encourage godly men to do the same, rather than assume none of us can or will. Wake up. And another thing - none of you will ever know how hard it is for a guy to walk up and start talking to a strange girl, whether its at church or in a bar. I wish more than anything that I could make you all feel that accute apprehension for just one second. Quit thinking we have it so easy.

Its important to know your self worth, and what a wonderful and awesome creature of God you are. Its also important to have enough humility to realize that you might not be all that fabulous, all the time, after all. I've said it time and again, life isn't about finding the right peron, life is about becoming the right person.

I'm still working on becoming that person. I'm a responsible adult, who has been paying the loans and bills on time every single month of the 8 years since college. I've held a professional position the sum total of that time as well. I've done well enough that I've been able to go on half of my salary for the better part of a year in order to do charity work in 3rd world Africa, and still keep plugging the 401k and the savings accounts. I'm clean-cut, well-dressed, in excellent physical condition, have a healthy diet, and am well-mannered. I've been heavily involved with my church and family in my spare time, and I have sought continue my education informally as much as possible - I've learned the basics of 3 new languages in the last 2 years and am working on a 4th, and I'm abreast of the latest politics, theology, science, and industry knowledge and news. My hobbies include photography, drawing, reading, writing, sculpting, and playing guitar / piano. I tithe at my church, I pay my taxes, I give to charity and volunteer in the local homeless shelter regularly. I enjoy driving after a goal, leading teams, and making tough decisions, and I have an often overly-aggressive competitive nature. And I can stop and laugh about everything above and more, and I try to make a point to do that every day, in one way or another. And I'm still working on becoming that person.

This is the type of man that your current mentality has driven off, today. If you want the kind that you're whining about all of us being, here's a hint: keep up the whining. You'll find guys who are content to sit and agree with you in bemoaning the state of their sex, instead of getting out there and living a life that shines in the darkness.

Pause long enough to consider the possibility that some of the stuff I've outlined above might be tantamount to doing yourselves a disservice. I know its driven this immature, passive, less-than masculine man away.

Consider it an inexpensive lesson, I guess.