mea culpa

I don't think the pills are working right.

For the past few weeks now, I've been in a black mood. I've felt edgy, irritable, generally pissed off. I'm beginning to wonder if it's chemical and it's time to recheck the meds...yet again. This will necessitate a long drive up to Ann Arbor for decent medical care, given my heinous track record with the doctors around where I live. But oh well. Health is worth it.

But it's not like I don't have control over how I act -- how often have I said that action matters more than emotion? -- and I've been letting myself yield to the ugliness instead of overcoming it with good.

Mainly I'm writing this to a.) ask for prayer; God knows I need it, and b.) state publicly that I've been out of line the past few weeks with my harsh responses to other people[particularly David]'s comments. There's a way to disagree diplomatically, with Christlike consideration and maturity, and a way to disagree nastily and judgmentally, with an eye on being rude. I've been doing the latter lately. And I've been wrong.

The rest of you, my dears, have been much better at it than I have. I'm glad you've been a balancing act to my reactivity.

Please do pray, though. I'm getting tired of myself. And as I have a high tolerance for me, and it's worn thin, I can't imagine how icky I'm being to everyone else.