multi-facets

I've been thinking about being single. Big deal, you say; I think about that a lot. True. But I've been thinking along slightly different lines than usual.

Normally I'm venting my frustrations about my single status, wondering what is wrong with all the men, crying out to heaven that surely I don't deserve this; fuming with impatience at a situation in which I can do pretty much nothing.

But I forget the good things, the side benefits. They range from full control of the remote and music selections, to full control of the refrigerator contents, to full control of waking and bed times. I don't have to share the shower, or any of the bathroom space; my bottles of shampoo, shaving cream, baby oil, conditioner, body washes and soaps can blossom wherever they wish. I don't have to wrangle shower times, or waking up times, or meal times, or any times at all. If I want to come home and flop into the armchair and do nothing all night but watch TV or Veronica Mars and eat popcorn for dinner, I can do exactly that. I have no one else's needs to attend, except for the minimal needs of my cat.

I don't have to spend money on anyone else, or take other people's food preferences into consideration when I go grocery shopping. I don't have to be home in time for the kids to get home from school. I can have friends over whenever I want. I can come and go as I please. In short, I don't have to compromise with anyone on anything.

When the time comes, it's going to be good, and good for me, to learn to compromise with my family, to orchestrate the miracle of individual lives lived out in sync with one another. But for now, when I don't have that opportunity, I can enjoy my independence to the utmost. Because I don't particularly enjoy conflicts or compromises. And right now I don't have to worry about it. I don't want to reach a point in my life where I look back on my single days and think, "Man, I should have enjoyed that more." So I can make the most of it now.

This is also a time when the single gal or guy can be fully dedicated to a hobby, a cause, or a ministry -- and ministry in particular is a particularly commendable use of time for the single person, who can be single-minded (as per the apostle Paul). I need to grow in this area, but MP does her ministry with eight-year-old girls every week at her church. Jen volunteers at her church's youth group. This time is unique in that we can choose how we spend it; we have no other demands on our spare time, and the things about which we're really passionate can take the forefront. I'm beginning to dedicate much more time and energy to my writing.

But one of the best aspects of this time in my life is the opportunity really to know myself solidly, to grow as an independent adult, and to mature in the different areas of my life that I would normally leave to someone else -- paying the bills, budgeting, getting the oil changed or the registration renewed on the car, calling about repairs for broken windows, fixing the dial on the stove, hanging picture, shelves, pots and pans, buying air conditioners, killing spiders, and moving heavy furniture.

The network of friends is important as well. In lieu of an immediate and nearby family, I have people with whom I hang out on a regular basis, people who meet all sorts of different needs I may not have even realized I had. And not being able to do a few things physically (such as lift the huge air conditioner down the stairs, or moving in new furniture, or dragging a Christmas tree into my apartment), drives me to swallow my pride once in awhile and ask someone for help. And hating eating alone all of the time goads me to seek out dinner pals, so that the fellowship of other people isn't lost just because I'm single -- is furthermore enriched by our common experiences and interests.

And when God tells me to do something, I don't have to worry about its effect on anyone else; I can simply do it.

So the single life isn't just about dating and marriage, isn't only about the absence of a man. It's also about the presence and process of the self, and God's work therein -- and not just in a small and rather selfish everything's-so-convenient-right-now way; but in a way that causes the self to seek outside company, to grow in weaker areas, to listen more and more closely to God, and to become a full, well-rounded, self-knowing, responsible, adjusted, Christlike, and joyful human being.

It's a multifaceted thing.