Virtually Homeless

I have a confession to make that I’m having a difficult time even admitting to myself. Although the title of this forum is ‘Fabulous Females’ I feel about the farthest away from that denotation that one can get.
Last week I had quite the shake-up at work. I was told I was being "promoted" (suspiciously with no pay-raise and crappier hours)... when in reality, it’s a demotion. I will not go into elaborate detail at the moment, but I’m still in a state of numbness and shock, embarrassment, bitterness. The change has little to do with me or my performance, and that grandly sucks. All in all, a pretty tough blow to handle right now. This is the only job I’ve known since graduation. A gig I changed around my entire life for... in faith that it would pay off in the long run. Every day for more than two years, I’ve put way too much of myself into this endeavor. Now, looking through the rear view mirror I wonder what the heck I have to show for it. I’m thousands of miles away from family and friends, don’t have much of a spiritual or social network of people my own age, have not been in a romantic relationship in five years, and am in a state of utter confusion at the moment.
I’m positive this is God’s way of telling me to pick myself up, brush myself off, and press on. Much easier said than done. The past week has been a blur of disbelief and funkiness. Why me? I’ve worked my arse off to get where I am. I have no idea what the heck I’m doing here.
What I want is a map and a compass to tell me what the next step is. Unfortunately, I don’t think those are going to magically appear. It seems like every few years there’s some sort of shake-up in my life. My parents divorcing, moving from high school to college, moving across the country to a place I’ve barely even heard of, is that’s what’s on the horizon? As much as I crave adventure, I haven’t had much stability – ever. And strangely, I feel I really need that right now. It’s something I’ve never had. What I wouldn’t give to have it. Even if it was just for a moment.
Most everyone has a place they consider home. Whether it be a childhood residence, hometown, or a network of people they know they can cling to. It’s a haven, a constant, a safety net. Well, I have never had the privilege of knowing that, of feeling like I was truly ‘home.’ This worries me for a number of reasons. Maybe I’m too guarded of a person and can’t fully commit to people and relationships? Perhaps I’m just ‘different’ and very few people will ever understand me? Either way, whether I like it or not, changes are on the way and I need to be a big girl about it. I can’t change my situation, but I do wish there was another factor that helped to bend my decision one way or another. Right now, I’m working on making options available for myself come December 31st, which is when I am free to work on my own terms again. Your prayers would be welcome and I thank all of you for constantly listening and providing support. This blog has been a lifeline to me over the past year. =)