let us pray!

So, MP loaned me her book Getting Serious about Getting Married, by Debbie Maken, and I've been working my way through it, and loving it. Principally what I've gleaned from it is that it's really okay for me to express my dissatisfaction with my single state, because it's unnatural, particularly in the Christian tradition, and the church as a whole has let its young women down by telling us things like, "This is God's will. Just be content," instead of preaching marriage as God's will for all, with a few born exceptions (e.g. the Apostle Paul or Mother Theresa), and encouraging its youth to marry while they're still young.

So I've come away from it, chapter by chapter, being a little more vocal about what I want. I'm not buying the "contentment" doctrine anymore. Obviously I'm going to make the most of what I have, which is a pretty great life, and not sit around doing nothing but bemoaning the onrushing of my biological clock; but I'm also not going to settle for private misery by saying I don't want or need what I really want and need. It's taken a few people aback; in Protestant circles the Contentment Doctrine is so pervasive as to be assumed, and practically dogma. But my parents are now praying more specifically and more (I imagine!) effectively, and so am I. Instead of saying, "Well, God, if it's Your will, I'd like to get married someday," I'm saying, "Father, I know You've called me to a family. I would like one before I'm thirty. Please work it out SOON." And I know my parents are praying the same thing.

We're very concerned in the present-day church with submitting to God's will. Which is a good thing to do -- after all, He's sovereign, and as Isaiah 14:24 says, "As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand." But we seem to forget all the times when people have wrestled with God in prayer. Abraham even bargained with God to save the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah! Moses CHANGED GOD'S MIND a time or two when God wanted to destroy the Israelites for their stubborn disobedience. And Christ's parable of the persistent widow, where a woman with no legal rights and no protector kept bothering a crabby judge who finally yielded to her demand for justice just to get rid of her, shows that, if human persistence can win against a generally cruel person, how much more will it work for us when we're being persistent in our requests to a God who infinitely loves us!

Now, we of course don't need to presume that we're Moses. But God wants to listen to us, and God will. We may get "no" for an answer (for which, time after time, when I think about the guys I prayed to be with, I'm incredibly thankful), but up till we hear that "no," we should keep praying, persistently, for what it is we want to see happen.

Most Christians seem afraid to pray for what they want. Take our single situation, with which most of us are unhappy, if only in our secret hearts. Then work it into a typical prayer. It probably runs something like this: "Dear Lord, if it's Your will, I think I'd like a husband someday. I mean, I like children, and I'm not always happy by myself. Not that it isn't good enough if that's what You want for me forever, but if You want to give me a husband and family before I hit, you know, menopause, I think I'd like that. If it's Your will."

In what way is that a powerful prayer? What are we afraid of? That it's not what we should ask, that it's outside the will of God? That God's will is automatically contrary to our desires, that always not getting what we want will somehow better our souls? That our wishes and hopes and dreams and desires aren't important to God? That we're not even sure we want what we're asking? That we're going to make the wrong choice? That we're going to offset the balance of God's will? That we're wrong?

It's a passive way to pray. But if we examine Scripture, we see that the people who made a difference with their prayers weren't passive about it at all. Take Hannah, the mother of Samuel. She was barren, miserable, and looked down upon. She prayed so hard for a child that she appeared to be drunk and crazy, and the priest was worried about her behavior and sanity. And God GAVE her a child. Samson prayed for enough strength to wreak vengeance on his enemies. He got it. David prayed actively and hard all through the Psalms. Jacob wrestled with God until God blessed him.

Paul tells us often in the Epistles to "pray without ceasing," to "boldly approach the throne of grace." He also tells the churches he is wrestling in prayer for them. I'll bet Paul's prayers didn't run along the lines of, "Oh, God, if it's Your will, please let the Philippian church grow, and please bless them, if you want to, Father, because they're great. But if that's not Your will, it's fine."

Even Jesus tells us, over and over, to "ask whatever you wish in My name, and it will be given to you." It's generally understood that "in My name" means "according to My will." Some things are obviously in the will of God -- like the growth of the believers in the Philippian church. Or that a person will grow closer to God, or remain faithful to his wife and children.

Other times, we clearly don't KNOW what the will of God is, and this is where we hedge in our prayers. I wonder if we take this from the prayer of Christ at Gethsemane, where He prays, "Father, if it be your will, take this cup from me. But not my will, but yours be done."

This is an extreme example, and a strikingly singular example of prayer in the Bible. Christ was about to undertake the most difficult thing ever done in the history of creation -- to bear every sin of every person, [past,] present and future, and to suffer horribly and die doing it. But see, even then He wasn't afraid to ask for what He wanted -- not to have to do it. He simply expressed further that He wanted to do what was in accordance with the Father's will, which maintained His perfect obedience to God, and which He knew already.

We, who lack Christ's divine understanding of God, are allowed to pray boldly. If what we're asking is not in God's will, it won't happen, and that's when we actively work to submit. For example, if you think you want to be with a certain guy, and you're praying that it happens, and praying boldly, and he marries someone else, well, that's probably a "no." Because if you continue to pray to wind up with him, you're praying for his infidelity or divorce, or his wife's death -- none of which are Christian things to ask of God. So, okay, wrong call. Now you get to take stock of your situation, and try again. But at least it can never be said that you didn't ask.

I was discussing this with one of my friends recently, and she said that she was afraid to pray boldly for a specific guy because she was afraid she'd make the wrong choice -- that if her prayers were answered as she wished, he'd turn out to be the wrong guy. And this is where family and godly friends come in, to affirm or negate our choice. Because some guys that we really, really like aren't good for us. So listening to the counsel of Christians who know and love us well, in addition to praying hard and persistently for what you want, will help balance the equation. I prayed for a long time to wind up with the Millstone. But toward the end, even when I still wanted to be with him, I knew I couldn't even if he ever did decide he wanted me, because my friends and family all hated him. It was a moment when I had to subjugate my will to other people's, and take it that those other people's will was similar to God's will, because they were good and godly people, and had my best interest at heart. But I still asked. And learned to be glad when the answer became, obviously, "no."

"But the Lord's Prayer," a person might say. "It prays, 'Thy will be done'!" Yes. It prays, "Thy will be done ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN." Where there is no sin, or death, or sorrow. Naturally we always need to be open to the will of God, and always need to be willing to submit to His will. But we still should ask.

Ladies and gents, we live in a confusing world of many nebulous choices, where right and wrong aren't as clear. Behind all of it is a war that we can't see, but in which we play a huge part. Christ's redemption raised us from spiritual death and clothed us in the armor of God, so that we can take part in that war against an invisible army, to free the hostages among whose ranks we used to lie. If we're not praying hard and clearly, with focus, confidence, persistence, boldness, and strength, we're just standing on the battlefield staring at our swords wondering if it's God's will that we use them.

You might think that praying for a spouse (if you want one, and I think that, at least eventually, most of us do) is an unimportant part of that battle. But that's not the case. Godly families are crucial, particularly in our current society, so that we can raise a new generation of godly men and women to carry on the working out of God's will in the world -- a will to draw all people to Him, through love and social justice based on the willing sacrifice of the Incarnation whose birth we celebrate on Monday. Marriage for the majority of humanity, to be fruitful and multiply and raise children in godliness, is certainly part of God's will -- because "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Praying for your spouse might be one of the most important prayers you can forge in situations like ours.

So if we have a specific timeline in mind (because our fertile years do have an expiration date, and even before that we start to run some health risks and tire more easily), or if we see someone we're drawn to, and think he or she might be a good candidate for the passion, love, affection, companionship, and growth in faith that will shape our lives and a small (but important!) part of the future, we should feel free to pray in the specific.

After all, if we're wrong, we'll know.

It's God's will that we pray! (Read any Gospel or any Epistle.) God's will be done!