Church - meat market or wasteland?

Do you know anyone who met their significant other at church? Did YOU meet your significant other at church? Now, I know lots and lots of Christians. Simply a ton of them. And to be honest with you, I can only think of a precious few folks who met their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife in the Lord's house. Why is this? Although my wonderful pastor, Mike Woods, has expressed that while meeting a mate at church should not be your purpose for going - he has said that it's the kind of place you should be meeting people.
My question is why aren't we dating? Our non-Christian counterparts aren't shy about doing that. In fact I get asked out quite often by men, but know that I probably shouldn't be going out with them. It's so easy to fall in love - colorblind of beliefs. Awhile back I read a column about dating as a believer. I did take this to heart... "If you don't want to marry a non-christian - don't date one." That seems so simple, and I wish it were that easy. Once upon a time I knew a really great Godly girl. She appeared to be really solid in her faith: helped lead the student ministry, sang with the worship team, went to church, abstained from drinking. I soon learned that she was in a serious relationship with a guy who wasn't saved. When I'd asked her about it she had replied, "He's not a Christian yet, but I'm hoping that will change." More disturbing was that she told me they were sleeping together - and saw no conflict with her relationship with the Lord. She thought that since she found her "future husband" that they could now have sex. They were not married, or even engaged at this point. This situation really shook me up. Did most fellow Christians feel that way? I was also confused in her pick - this girl deserved someone who was on the same page as she was.
One way we can combat the dying institution of marriage is by setting good examples to follow. We all know the Bible verse that requires us to not be unequally yoked. God makes that very clear. Yet so many marriages are off balance. My own parents were an example of that. My mother was saved soon after she married my father, and their relationship ended in divorce years and years later. While I feel both parents love me, I saw such a difference in the two of them that I wasn't even convinced of their marriage. I felt different at church when just my mom and I showed up. Later, I discovered that many of my peers in Sunday School class thought my dad was dead! Even now, after 23 years, the fact that my father is a non-Christian - STILL affects me negatively. I love my father, but realize that he just can't be a part of my spiritual development - something that all children need.
A problem I do have with churches today is that they have countless ministries for married couples and families, but zero guidance as to how to get there. There are also many opportunities for older divorced/widowed Christians, but not never-been-married believers. Seriously, more people need to be fostering and developing relationships within their congregations. Especially with larger churches, I sense the weakening of community. Single young men and women need mentors that we're just not getting. God has laid it on my heart to pray for a mature Christian woman to take me under her wing. Heck, I'd also like some friends here that I can share things with. Sometimes I feel like I just can't find even one person to be real with. I'm outgoing, friendly, approachable and have the hardest time even finding a lunch companion.
Colleges appear to be fulfilling the role that the church USED to play in the lives of young people. Instead of making lifelong friends, relationships, and marriages within the church body - it is happening on college campuses. A vast majority of my friends from small private Christian college are now married - to other friends from the same school. It's no surprise, because campuses foster easy, almost ready-made connections. There are some problems with this new trend. Unlike a church, the cross section of the college population is vastly unrealistic of the "real world." Unfortunately, there's no other place where you'd find thousands of people with an age difference of at most, five or six years. Secondly, college is only four years. For alums like myself, we missed that "marriage boat."
Churches need to do a few things in order to play catch up:
1) Proper care and feeding of younger singles (and realize that folks are getting married later in life)
2) Directly address the topic of sex, and the role it is supposed to play in our lives
3) Break down the barriers felt by singles of the "family" cliques
4) Encourage mentoring relationships
Yes, I realize that like humans, churches will also have flaws. But I do think the lack of attention to singles is a major issue. Any thoughts?

Fabulous Reads...

Here are some links I found fascinating... The first is a column called "Single Minded" which is well written and easily relatable.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/archives.html

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1058/is_6_118/ai_71250700

Enjoy! And keep the posts and comments coming!

Avoiding the Pretty Packaging, Going for the Contents

We’ve all been there. Going for a guy who is great looking, but has no soul. It’s so tempting to have the opportunity to be seen with someone who looks like Noah Wyle, the hottie physician from E.R… or David Beckham, British soccer star. Unfortunately, the chances are most likely slim that men who look like they’ve stepped out of the pages of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog have the personality of John Cusack in Say Anything – to go along with it.
The chances are better that boys that beautiful will play us like a violin at the symphony. I hate to say it, but it seems like nice guys really do finish last. If we want guys to appreciate the quality women that we are, we must practice what we preach. What I’m trying to get at is… we need to stop pursuing the bad apples and start appreciating men with good hearts and clean intentions.
Don’t get me started on why I don’t date these guys, but I’ve been blessed to have some terrific male friends. But one of them is simply fantastic. He’s a Christian, intelligent, hilarious, fascinating, cultured, well-traveled, well-dressed, successful, sensitive, and cooks! This dude is THE ultimate package. One of my best friends. For the life of me, I don’t know why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He did like a girl, and she would give him the “let’s be friends” runaround. In the meantime, she’d be hooking up with guys who could barely even spell their own name and weren’t even that attractive.
We wonder where the “decent guys” are, but in truth, we’re not doing ourselves any favors by constantly reaffirming the jerks, and rejecting the sweet prince charmings. No surprise that the good ones are hiding out, they have no self esteem. Sure, part of that rests on their laurels… but we have a responsibility to encourage good behavior.
On Sunday, my pastor had an interesting anecdote. It was about a teacher who was having trouble getting her students (I think 3rd graders or something) to stay in their seats. In a 20 minute period, kids were out of their seats 300 times or some exorbitant amount. Some experts told her to yell at the kids more to try and keep them under control. When she did that, kids got out of their seats even more in that period… about 500 times. So then the experts suggested that she compliment the students that actually stayed in their seats. This actually DID work. The point is, instead of bashing all the bad guys that exist in the world – we should be giving kudos to all the great ones we DO know.

Proactive Approach?

Lately, I've gotten hooked on Regis and Kelly. What I find fascinating is their current thing called "Project Schulweis." Like other daytime shows have done before, it is a quest to find one of the behind the scenes folks.. love. This time it's their production coordinator Lori Schulweis. She's about 40, and single. They've opened up a nationwide search for this woman, who seems nice - but somewhat reserved. "Schully" has received a makeover, dating tips, lots of emails from guys, and now this week is going on five different dates that have been set up for her. (ie: picking one of the Cosmo bachelors, having perfectmatch.com set one up, her grandmother picked a guy, and she even speed dated) Now, she seems to be enjoying the process but also looks rather embarassed at times. And what happens if she doesn't really hit it off with any of these guys? I wonder what it would be like for my morning show to have "Project Steffen."
And on the other side of the fence, I've seen a few stories of men putting up billboards advertising their websites to find a wife.
Are doing these things simply being proactive and taking initiative, or are they desperate? Where would you draw the line? Do you think these methods can actually guarantee success? Just look at all those seasons of The Bachelor... Hardly any of the bachelors actually end up with a long-term relationship. Is putting yourself out there that much pathetic?
Awhile back I also read an excerpt of this book by Rachel Greenwald, titled "How to Find a Husband After 35 (using what I learned at Harvard Business School)." One of the things recommended to women was to send out notecards with your photo printed on them. Basically, you're supposed to send them to everyone you know.. literally saying that you want to meet someone and would appreciate them passing along your info to any available men they think you might be compatible with. To me, that sounded really humiliating.
Sure I'd like to "meet someone," but I think being on a reality show, renting a billboard, making a website, or sending out picture cards would scare people away. A little too intense.

Hello All!

Recently, I've had conversations with many of my friends... all of you truly fabulous women who happen to be single. We are beautiful, funny, passionate, self-sufficient, and intelligent! And why are we alone? I really don't have that answer.
Tonight, I asked an actual guy why fantastic women like us are single.
This was his answer:
"please. you all have to realize women are vastly superior to guys so you either have to settle for a guy that can be a little crummy or be single and lonely."
Is that what we have to look forward to? A guy that's "crummy"?

Meantime, this was a woman's answer:
"It's cause men have unrealistic expectations, they think they can have and deserve super models and so the rest of look ordinary. They all want the same 2 women out of 1,000. Dude, it's so depressing. This is why I pray. I figure my only hope is God."

Then this (fantastic) woman and I realized that maybe it's not them... it's us. Perhaps this so-called "sexual revolution" has really trapped us into a life of meaningless encounters with sub-standard partners. In order to make a change, there needs to be another sexual revolution of a different kind. I believe that women need to stop having casual sex. If we stop giving men the "free buffet" their only option will be to buy dinner. That same woman also pointed out that "feminism" in the 60's... really liberated men. Now they don't need to commit to one woman, or have to wait until marriage. By opening up this door, we've closed another one.
And that is my opinion on why all these great girls out there don't have anyone to even take them to the movies.