Fabulous Females

That's what this site is for: a place to gather all of the ideas and observations of real women living out the drama of single life in a world of "hooking up" and "putting out." If you'd like to become a poster, just give us your email address in a comment so we can invite you in! This is a non-discriminatory place to air out your feelings, so please be constructive! We also welcome men to post insight, comments, and advice on today's culture between males and females.

Friday, June 23, 2006

I "Think" I Want a Boyfriend

I think I want a boyfriend. I have countless boy friends, but they are not the same as a boyfriend, i.e. someone to cuddle with at night and hold my hands during the day. I’m not asking for much, I want some one who is educated, motivated, attractive, sexy, confident, mature, stable, fashionable, ok, well, maybe I am asking for a lot, LOL, and maybe that’s why I am single (and celibate) at the moment, but I am not asking for anything that I can not provide. I believe they call it quid pro quo. If I am giving myself to some one I want something in return of equal or higher value. Lol. Anyway, they (who is they exactly, I don’t know) always say ask for what you want and put it out there in the universe and then wait, because it will come. So here it is I want a boyfriend. He must compliment me perfectly (not just literally, but more importantly, metaphorically).

Sometimes I feel that my vow of celibacy has been a curse and a blessing. Celibacy has freed me; as a result, I do not suffer from common female debilitating diseases such as low self esteem, dependency, and jealousy, just to name a few. Additionally, celibacy has taught me to be comfortable with being alone. Nonetheless, celibacy has also made me "too" picky. Because I am comfortable with being alone, I no longer overlook flaws, or settle for less, which in itself seems like a good thing, but is it really? No one is perfect; not even me. So maybe my ideal mate does not exist and I am chasing an unattainable dream and destined to be lonely (there is a BIG difference between alone and lonely).

posted by Lovely Lady @ 8:34 AM  

4 Comments:

  • At 2:52 PM, June 23, 2006, Blogger Josh Justice said…

    It's exciting to hear what you have to say about celibacy. I would say that dependency is not a particularly female thing - as a guy, before I became celibate, I destroyed two great relationships right out of the gate by being too emotionally clingy. If I ever do get married, I'll be much better off! And I can certainly be a better friend.

    As for the prefect companion: for me, my celibacy ties into my faith. In fact, the reason I considered it in the first place was looking at the claims that God's love is unfailing love, and asking, do I really believe that? God can't even hold my hand, for goodness sakes! But as I looked at the failures of other people's love for me, and at the proof of his love for me, I decided I believed it. And, stepping out on that belief, celibacy has been the most fulfilling time of my life!

     

  • At 6:03 PM, June 23, 2006, Blogger Marianne said…

    Really good post, Fefe. It's eery how this blog sort of works in tidal waves, theme-wise, because I'm currently working out a post in my mind on being alone but not lonely, on being my own favorite company, and the advantages and pitfalls of that.

    I was on the phone with a couple of friends who also write on this blog, and the subject of boyfriend-lessness came up (it always does). I've been in a mood for the past two months of, "Really, I don't want to be married at this point in my life." Which is an amazingly freeing thought (as is the choice of celibacy). It kind of goes along with two books I read last year: He's Just Not That Into You, and the clever retort (and far better) You're Not That Into Him, Either (I may be paraphrasing the title a little). I think we all are prone to falling into the culturally prevalent viewpoint of single=bad, couple=good. No matter how dysfunctional the couple, they will always be superior to the healthy and well-adjusted single. I'm kind of trying to work out the implications of how "couplehood" has become a consumer item just like a toaster.

    "Pickiness" is a trait that can go either way--you can be picky in a beneficial way, and picky in a destructive way. I'm currently also mulling over whether or not I'm too picky when it comes to guys. I've turned down some very good guys for not very good reasons. But being picky is my prerogative at this point in my life--I just hope I won't regret it later.

    Back to the toaster analogy. I had an idea in my mind that I wanted a red Kitchenaid toaster to match my stand mixer. $$$$. So I was going to wait to buy one. But then I found myself several times a week crouched on my kitchen floor peeking in at the broiler to watch my toast slowly blacken. After a couple of months of this I finally buckled down and bought the $6 WalMart toaster. Implication: this is my "good enough for now" toaster. I still really want the red Kitchenaid model. Consumeristic, savvy, individual-centered approach to toast.

    I just never want to be like that where people are concerned. As much as I want a boyfriend, I worry about my need for that status, comfort, dependency, fun, etc trumping my interest in that person as a soul, mind, and body demanding my respect.

    These are all things I tend to wonder over during the summer, when I'm away from the usual round of social fun (and the usual pressure to have a boyfriend of my own).

    I'd say be picky. In an immortal line from Clueless: "You've seen how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet!"

     

  • At 1:31 PM, June 29, 2006, Blogger none said…

    I just bought a $6 toaster at Target! And it works great.

    But I don't want it for the rest of my life. ;)

     

  • At 11:01 PM, August 26, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just passing through--but I gotta say I love this blog.

    I agree with you and Marianne: be picky, don't settle. My mentor said that too, and that was the best piece of advice I ever received. It really forced me to re-evaluate my relationships and work on the ones worth investing my time and emotions in.

    But yeah, sometimes, I feel like I want a boyfriend too. :-)

     

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