Hi Lay Deeees
Been a while. I've been hoping to contribute more often than I actually have contributed, so my apologies. I see it - the FF link right above my own blog's link - every time I log-on to update my own blog. Speaking of which, hasn't been often, lately. Anyway, I feel guilty every time I see the Fab Females, sitting there, glaring at me.
Anyway - wrote a post yesterday that seems to be getting a lot of interest, and that prompted me to think that it might make good fodder for FF. So here's a preview...
We met up, walked around for a while, and discussed the problems that Christian singles have with actually meeting other singles. Let's put it this way: when there's a whole sector of a whole industry actually directed at helping Christian singles meet each other, we have a problem.
Defining it is surprisingly simple.
Christian guys, in general, enjoy going out. Having a beer, playing some pool, maybe even meeting some girls. Problem is, most of the girls the Christian guy meets, while out, aren't Christian. Most aren't even interested in the topic...
Read the whole thing, if you please.
I will try to get on top of writing something specifically for FF in the near future, you have my word. Personally I thought Biding Time was an excellent, heart-felt post, and I have some similar thoughts I'd like to air, from a guy's perspective...
Anyway - wrote a post yesterday that seems to be getting a lot of interest, and that prompted me to think that it might make good fodder for FF. So here's a preview...
We met up, walked around for a while, and discussed the problems that Christian singles have with actually meeting other singles. Let's put it this way: when there's a whole sector of a whole industry actually directed at helping Christian singles meet each other, we have a problem.
Defining it is surprisingly simple.
Christian guys, in general, enjoy going out. Having a beer, playing some pool, maybe even meeting some girls. Problem is, most of the girls the Christian guy meets, while out, aren't Christian. Most aren't even interested in the topic...
Read the whole thing, if you please.
I will try to get on top of writing something specifically for FF in the near future, you have my word. Personally I thought Biding Time was an excellent, heart-felt post, and I have some similar thoughts I'd like to air, from a guy's perspective...
posted by David @ 1:45 PM
5 Comments:
At 1:28 PM, April 19, 2006,
none said…
So, I read your whole post, but I thought I'd comment here to get the discussion started on FF.
I'm a christian girl and I go out, but not all that much (well, not to bars anyway). Why? 1. I don't drink, so sitting around a bar with a soda is not always that exciting for me. 2. If I go with non-Christian friends, they're drinking (sometimes quite a bit) and I don't like being the designated babysitter just b/c I'm always the sober one. 3. If I'm hanging out with Christian friends, they generally don't want to go to bars either. 4. I don't expect to meet a Christian guy when I go to a bar. I know that some Christians drink, and maybe I just have a narrow idea of the kind of Christian guy I would date, but I don't expect to find somone with similar values to mine and a similar committment to God in a bar on a given Friday night.
My happiest medium so far: places with a bar where there's more to do than just drink. Such as 1. a karaoke bar, or 2. places like Jillians (with a bowling alley, pool tables, etc.). But I don't really go out with my friends just to meet men anyway; I go to have fun.
I don't know... it's like: if I wanted to meet an outdoorsy guy, I wouldn't specifically go to a singles event at an art gallery. Sure, some outdoorsy guys like art, but would that really be themost efficient place to look? Similarly, if I specifically wanted to go out looking for Christian guys, the neighborhood bar wouldn't be my first stop. Does that make sense?
Oh, and you're so right that the behavior of certain men makes me want to avoid the bar scene (and even moreso, the club scene). I should be able to turn down a dance, avoid being touched inappropriately, etc. when I go out (plus, I can't really get with the lyrics of alot of music played in clubs). I find myself going out a lot less now than I used to... It's difficult to find that balance between having fun as a young woman and sticking to my principles.
At 2:11 PM, April 19, 2006,
The Prufroquette said…
Great comment, Science Girl. I particularly agree that the one teetotaler of a group should not always be the assumed DD. No fun at all.
I have no problems with drinking myself(we can assume the moderation qualifier here), and often go out to one or two choice bars to be with friends and avoid another evening at home stuffing popcorn in my mouth and tickling the cat on the couch while yet another movie drowns out two more empty hours in my evening.
I agree that the likelihood of meeting my husband in a bar is small, not particularly because of the nature of the establishment, but because of the nature of the non-Christians who tend to inhabit those establishments. I dislike overfamiliarity on the parts of the men who think patting my ass as I walk by is a compliment.
However, meeting someone at church has proven to be a total failure and the options are looking limited.
There is a local organization in South Bend that combines singles, service projects, and social outings, which I am considering. There's a small lifetime membership fee which will be something of a squeak to manage, but maybe I'll at least make some new friends if we're joining in to help others around the community and socialize.
The problem with meeting new people in that large-scale scenario is that as an introvert, I find an overinundation of new faces, names, personalities, and lives to be frazzling. So it's an event I have to gear up for in a big way, and spend a few days recuperating from. Which doesn't make an inherently stressful situation any easier to attend.
And the problem with going out with a mixed group of people is that new guys don't approach any more than they would if the group were entirely female -- coupledom tends to be assumed, even if all the people hanging out are just friends.
It's tricky. One of the reasons I would love to meet a Christian guy in a bar is that, if he's not pickled, I can know that he has similar, slightly more liberal views to my own. This is why I've had such a hard time meeting guys at church -- they tend to view drinking as an evil, and while I respect their personal convictions, I don't think it's a black-and-white for everyone. And I have rarely seen a working couple where the woman is more liberal than the man.
Rough. How do we fix it? I'm tired of sitting around waiting for things magically to get better. What can we be doing to make our outlook brighter and less lonely, even if it doesn't bring "The One" to our doorsteps?
At 8:25 PM, April 19, 2006,
Jennifer said…
Ahhh... we're on the "How to meet Christian members of the opposite sex?" mystery question of the week. The truth is... I am just as clueless. Just when I think I meet a nice guy (where it be at college, church, through friends, etc.), I'm slapped in the face by reality. Not to sound cynical, but for self-preservation, I just can't believe that a white knight will enter the picture and sweep me off my feet. Like Dave and many guys, I enjoy going out for a beer and shooting some pool - even playing poker! But looking for a potential dude of my dreams at a bar or club? Hardly! You may ask me, why not? The truth is that I'm just not sure if looking ANYWHERE would prove to be fruitful. So what is it that I'm looking for? Friends. I don't think that God's just going to drop a husband out of the sky. I DO think He could bless me with a friend. The few "dating" experiences I've had were with guys who were not friends with me prior to being involved. I think that's the key ingredient to a successful, God-based relationship. The next time I get with someone... it will only be after I've gotten to know them really well.
At 8:47 AM, April 20, 2006,
none said…
I agree Jennifer. I think dating someone you're already friends with is ideal; atleast you know you can trust them. (Reason # 457 I'm looking forward to moving to Chicago: making new friends).
At 7:47 PM, April 22, 2006,
jondale said…
In reality, going to an establishment to have a few drinks, play some pool and meet women is the round-a-bout way of saying, "I like to go to the bar." Chances are you are not going to meet the kind of Christian girl you are looking for. Likewise, the type of Christian guys all you Christian girls are looking and hoping for are not the kind that go to bars.
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