Flying The Coop

This week’s location is not in El Paso, but in Washington, D.C. Yes, I’m here for a few more days. Thought you all would enjoy another mishap in the life of Jennifer. My friend Melinda is hosting me here, and I’ve been spending time with her boyfriend Emmet and his roommate, Cory. Both of them I’d actually met in El Paso though, so it’s come full circle. Anyway, they decided to help me kick-start my love life. Okay, more like resurrect it, or whatever you want to call it. So finally, they found this guy they wanted me to meet. His name is Andrew, and he studied engineering at Princeton. Went to high school with Cory. Now he works in some little town in south Maryland. He just happened to be in town for the weekend, so Cory took me to meet him in Georgetown on Saturday night.
We met up with Andrew at this place called The Guard around midnight. I must give kudos to Cory, because he was an attractive guy and seemed nice enough. After giving Cory the thumbs-up I made an attempt to have a conversation with Andrew. But that’s where things started going awry. Apparently he wasn’t that into me, because he left to go flirt with a girl with bleached-blond hair and bigger boobs (but that’s not saying much). I was a bit deflated, but figured that any guy who chose a Courtney Love look-a-like over me probably wasn’t that great of a guy. Instead of trying to flirt with Andrew, I danced with two pleasant but drunk girls to bad 70's music. It was a good time! Awhile later, I reconvened with Andrew, his friend Pauly, and Cory. Apparently Andrew struck out with the blond, and was now bitching about it. He said that he couldn’t remember her name, and had insulted her. Nice move! He also told Cory that while he thought I was pretty and nice, I was not his type.
Cory, being the nice nice guy that he is - gave them a ride home. We stopped at Taco Bell, and then went back to Pauly’s apartment. At this time Pauly appears to have died... Seriously, I wasn’t sure if he was alive or not. What’s funny about the car ride was that Andrew fessed something up. When the girl had asked him what her name was, he said "Jen." Hahahaha. (He just couldn’t get me out of his mind.) When we arrived at the building, Pauly walked into an orange construction barrel and brought it inside with him. (What’s up with guys and construction cones/barrels/road signs?) They invited Cory and I in to eat with them. So we did. I managed to maneuver Pauly inside, but he was like a zombie. It was rather strange. Also strange was the fact that Andrew tried to put his arm around me twice.
I don’t know how this is possible, but Pauly was now wide-awake. Awake enough, at least, to eat a Crunch Wrap Supreme and pour us all water. Was he a robot? I’ll never know. When I left the kitchen to use the bathroom, Andrew took the opportunity to tell Cory that he now wanted to "hook up" with me, but knew it was bad because he was drunk and I wasn’t??? Isn’t it usually the other way around, and that the guy doesn’t want to take advantage of a drunk girl? But by this time, he had definitely lost any appeal. There had never really been a chance for a hook up, but it was totally out of the question now.
Back in my younger days, I may have made a poor decision in ths situation. I’m sure glad that’s not what I’m like anymore. What girl wants to be the consolation prize at the end of the night? If I was five years younger, would this guy’s agenda have been so obvious to me? I can’t say what would have happened. Whether we admit it or not, we all want to be the jackpot in his eyes. On the drive home, Cory and I laughed hysterically over the night’s events. Andrew exemplified the ladder theory perfectly and obviously.
If you’ve never heard of the ladder theory, visit this site:
http://www.laddertheory.com/
All bad jokes about Andrew aside, I also felt kind of sorry for him. Cory definitely had noticed a huge change in him since high school. Andrew’s one of those guys that used to be really nice, but didn’t get girls. So he decided to become a jerk to get girls. Perhaps not the best strategy, if we review the events once more. He still went home alone. It just seemed like a shame to me. If he’d been a nice guy at the bar and not just been out for sex, he would have fared much better I believe. Unfortunately, there are too many women in the world who are participating in the hook up game. Why do some men feel they need to be dirtbags in order to "get women." And in my book, "getting women" is really - pretty sketchy. Why do women validate the dirtbags? We do have some power in the game, because we can NOT sleep around. We can NOT give the time of day to guys like Andrew. We can NOT get drunk and lose our inhibitions and self control. Ladies, we’re not the victims in the bar scene drama. We’ve become willing participants, even sporting the uniform of revealing "get him" apparel.
Well, I’m not playing. I hate this game. I really can’t stand what it does to the male/female dynamics. It allows the wrong people to prevail. So, what I’m saying right here... right now, is... I'm offering fair warning to every guy out there, that I'm nobody's fool. Game over.