Sleepless in El Paso
I’ve been thinking a lot lately of what it is that makes males and females different. It all started with that post about "guy places" and "girl places."
Then earlier today I spotted these two articles on MSN.com. They’re on secret guy and gal "turn-ons." Now, I’ve always read in magazines like Seventeen (back in the day) and Cosmopolitan that men like women who aren’t afraid to eat, like wearing his t-shirts, and can do stuff like camping and killing bears with their bare hands.
But on an episode of The View, Dr. Phil was explaining his new book "Love Smart." Sure he’s a quack, but some of what he said made a little sense. Basically, he said that women tend to mold themselves to a man’s tastes and habits. You know, if he likes cars... she likes cars. If he wants to go out and shoot pool at a bar, she will go to hang out with him. Sure, I’ve been there. I’ve pretended to be interested in old Westerns. I’ve actually played Magic: The Gathering. Then, Dr. Phil told every housewife and third-shift worker (like me) in America that men don’t like that. They like women with interests, and her own hobbies. And I get it. I really do.
Although there is no way I’ll ever pick up a copy of Dr. Phil’s book, I do follow it’s principles. I’ve learned how to be myself, and I enjoy my extracurricular activities like hanging out with my church’s high school youth group, photography (although I’m saving for a new camera), and my unrestrained passion for television’s Veronica Mars (even though it may get the ax). There are a few guy-ish qualities that I will fess up to, such as playing poker, eating really greasy food, watching Frat pack movies, and yes - David - shooting pool. Most of all, I love my Lord and Savior and put Him first in my life.
On the more utilitarian side, I don’t have much emotional baggage, have a steady and promising career in news, own a home and car, am prudent with finances, and make a killer meatloaf! I’m also fun and energetic, love to dance, and have been told I’m a funny gal.
So now it’s my turn to whine, once again. Honestly, I just don’t get it. The seemingly NWAM’s (Normal Well Adjusted Males, thank you Sarah!) I encounter are either... already taken... or they’re single and I get my hopes up thinking maybe, just maybe... they’ll fall for me. But of course, they don’t. The guy instead asks out a beautiful but really shallow girl, a non-Christian who rejects them because they’re too conservative, or a flat-out skank.
There’s no way I can really be objective about this... but I’m a genuinely cool girl and pretty much - a great catch! Yet I’m here on a Friday night writing this post at 10:20 p.m. What’s wrong with this picture? My other option was to meet up with coworkers for Cinco de Mayo, but I’m just not feeling it tonight. So when it comes to the guy thing... is it me or is it them? What are girls like us doing alone on the weekends while girls who live with their parents at age 30 and don't have a steady job are out dating?
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6182&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=8134
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6181&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=8134
Then earlier today I spotted these two articles on MSN.com. They’re on secret guy and gal "turn-ons." Now, I’ve always read in magazines like Seventeen (back in the day) and Cosmopolitan that men like women who aren’t afraid to eat, like wearing his t-shirts, and can do stuff like camping and killing bears with their bare hands.
But on an episode of The View, Dr. Phil was explaining his new book "Love Smart." Sure he’s a quack, but some of what he said made a little sense. Basically, he said that women tend to mold themselves to a man’s tastes and habits. You know, if he likes cars... she likes cars. If he wants to go out and shoot pool at a bar, she will go to hang out with him. Sure, I’ve been there. I’ve pretended to be interested in old Westerns. I’ve actually played Magic: The Gathering. Then, Dr. Phil told every housewife and third-shift worker (like me) in America that men don’t like that. They like women with interests, and her own hobbies. And I get it. I really do.
Although there is no way I’ll ever pick up a copy of Dr. Phil’s book, I do follow it’s principles. I’ve learned how to be myself, and I enjoy my extracurricular activities like hanging out with my church’s high school youth group, photography (although I’m saving for a new camera), and my unrestrained passion for television’s Veronica Mars (even though it may get the ax). There are a few guy-ish qualities that I will fess up to, such as playing poker, eating really greasy food, watching Frat pack movies, and yes - David - shooting pool. Most of all, I love my Lord and Savior and put Him first in my life.
On the more utilitarian side, I don’t have much emotional baggage, have a steady and promising career in news, own a home and car, am prudent with finances, and make a killer meatloaf! I’m also fun and energetic, love to dance, and have been told I’m a funny gal.
So now it’s my turn to whine, once again. Honestly, I just don’t get it. The seemingly NWAM’s (Normal Well Adjusted Males, thank you Sarah!) I encounter are either... already taken... or they’re single and I get my hopes up thinking maybe, just maybe... they’ll fall for me. But of course, they don’t. The guy instead asks out a beautiful but really shallow girl, a non-Christian who rejects them because they’re too conservative, or a flat-out skank.
There’s no way I can really be objective about this... but I’m a genuinely cool girl and pretty much - a great catch! Yet I’m here on a Friday night writing this post at 10:20 p.m. What’s wrong with this picture? My other option was to meet up with coworkers for Cinco de Mayo, but I’m just not feeling it tonight. So when it comes to the guy thing... is it me or is it them? What are girls like us doing alone on the weekends while girls who live with their parents at age 30 and don't have a steady job are out dating?
posted by Jennifer @ 9:25 PM
2 Comments:
At 4:26 PM, May 07, 2006,
Jennifer said…
Seriously, does anyone have any answers? Ideas? Suggestions? Thoughts???
At 7:10 AM, May 08, 2006,
lvs said…
No thoughts on why skanks are dating and you're not (can't pretend to be a psychologist), but I do have thoughts on those MSN articles.
I used to not find these girl/guy dichotomy things (from Cosmo, AskMen.com, and even, now, MSN) offensive, but as more time passes, the more I cringe when I see one. First, while they may be intended to pad the ego of each sex, they're blatant generalities backed up by pseudo-studies.
Second, the "6 Secret Guy Turn-ons," at least, reflects the same idea I think Dr. Phil must have been getting at when he said women tend to mold themselves to a man's taste. I'll take it one step further, based on experience and this little article (written by a man), and say that men (or at least this man) like women who are a reflection of their own thoughts and desires. OF COURSE this man likes a woman who curses... not because she's human and sometimes it's just fucking human to curse, but because it's what HE does. OF COURSE he likes her messiness... probably because it covers up his own mess. OF COURSE he likes her curves... and so on.
All this animosity may be due to feeling unduly represented in the "6 Things She Loves About You" article (notice the difference in title). Of six options, I agreed with exactly ONE. It just goes to show that both these articles, although supposedly supported by people "across the country" and many physicians, are written by people with their own tastes - just as we all have our own tastes. Throw in a few general gender stereotypes, and you have a great article.
Girls, don't buy this. Don't buy "different but equal" argument. Don't buy "oh, that's just guys" or "oh, that's just girls" types of conversations that simply shore up traditional hierarchies. Work to show that instead of being merely a reflection of a man, you are the image of a woman... work to show that instead of being a stereotype of a woman, you are instead a stereotype of a human being.
Ani DiFranco has said that "we're all citizens of the womb before we subdivide into sexes and shades... this side, that side."
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