9 reasons not to date a T-Rex.

Location, Location, Location?

In one week, I'll be moving to a new city on the opposite side of the country - specifically the Tampa Bay area. Originally, I hail from Buffalo, NY, spent time in Grove City, PA while going to school and have now spent three years on the "Borderland" in El Paso. In two weeks, I start a new exciting television job. I'm not married. I'm not dating anyone and haven't for a long time.

Today, several things were brought to my attention. A friend who lives in Florida called and we were talking about relationships. He said that the situation wasn't "me" per say, but more the situation. Lack of options due to geography. First of all, the job I just left involved working in a building that employed less than 50 people and I never left the building. I also spent two years working overnight, and I saw maybe five people in one day. The weekends were my only chance to get out. Then six months ago, that was taken away also. This friend had a point. In my (formerly) current situation, there were very little opportunities to meet a Christian guy. Especially recently, since I could no longer attend church on Sundays.

We made a $100 bet over the phone. He wagered that I would get involved with someone by the years end. I wagered the opposite. Okay, kind of movie-like in a "She's All That" kind of way, I know. But I'm still interested in seeing who wins.

While saying farewell to a coworker (one who has worked as a youth pastor) he told me that I was going to fall in love and get married there. He just knew it. I laughed at him. The other freaky thing? A former roommate once had a dream that I was engaged to an Air Force man. Oddly enough, I'll be living blocks away from MacDill Air Force Base.

On a slightly different topic, I've made another observation. Every wedding I've been invited over the past year all involve grooms named David. And I was just introduced to a friend's twin sister who is also marrying a David. Is this a strange phenomenon or what? I'm not sure how to take it. Based on all these revelations, I could come to the conclusion that I will soon start dating an Air Force guy named Dave before ringing in 2008. Again, this is a bit too cinema-like for me. It's slightly freaky, actually.

But back to this location theory. I'll admit, El Paso is not a hotbed for potential dudes for me. It's just not. I'm constantly hit on by overweight divorced middle-aged Mexican men with seven kids. Not that I have anything against them, but that's probably not what God has in store for me. If it is the case, I'm converting to Judaism.

This transition is exciting and I'm really quite curious to see if my personal life does, in fact, change. What makes me skeptical is that, despite having already lived in three different parts of the country for a significant amount of time, that hasn't seemed to make much of a difference before. Why should it now?

This reminds me of my teenage years. When I was in middle school, I liked boys. None of them seemed to like me. I figured "it'll happen" in high school. So then I got to high school. Same story. I then concluded that "it'll happen" in college. Spent most of freshman year wondering if I was wearing some sort of male repellent without my knowledge. After a somewhat brief disappointing relationship, I then started to question whether "it'll happen" post-graduation. It has not. This is why the whole new city thing isn't exactly getting my hopes up in that area.

And what if I do meet someone there as some are predicting? I'd like to think I'd be able to conduct myself in a serious relationship... but the truth? I've never had one before. That definitely scares me. I almost think maybe it is better to marry young, before you're too set in your ways. What if I'm too old to learn new tricks? What if I'm so used to bachelorettehood that I just can't do it?

We'll never be able to explain what's really behind the mysterious shroud that is, indeed, love. Whether it's best when it grows over time, or is sparked in a moment when two pairs of eyes meet by chance. All I know is if I happen to run into an Air Force mechanic named Dave, I may run screaming in the opposite direction.

What Are the "Rules"?

I'm fascinated with the dynamics between guys and girls in general, but in particular, the romantic dynamics between Christian men and women. I, like most of the contributors I assume, thought when growing up that I would meet someone in college and be married by age 22. Alas, I am 26 now and still single. I've dated around, even dated a girl for six months about 9 months ago, but I haven't had a "girlfriend" since I was 20. I'm not sure how we got here, with so many great Christian men and women still single, but I think it has to do with a confluence of many factors.

Sam's Perfect Storm of Factors Impeding Marriage (in no particular order)
1. Sexual Revolution - no reason to get married (guys especially) if you're getting all your sexual needs met

2. High Divorce Rate / Children of Divorce - our generation is skittish with making a marital commitment when they've seen their parents and others get divorced so frequently.

3. Increasingly Knowledge-Based Society - back 30-40 years ago, a man could graduate from high school, get a factory job, and support his family. Now, a bachelor's degree is a minimum requirement for a decent job, if not graduate degrees.

4. American Society's Fear of Growing Older and Facing Responsibility - also known as "Peter Pan Syndrome" (at least for males); see also the popularity of such movies as Old School and Wedding Crashers

5. Joshua Harris / Fear of Being Hurt in Relationships - Did I read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" as a teen? Yes. Did I buy into this garbage for awhile? Yes (probably for too long). For those of you who haven't read it, the title says it all. The basic premise is that everyone should group date for awhile and then eventually pick someone out of your group to start a courtship with. It's something that sounds great in theory (kind of like communism), something in which relationships could move from group date to marriage seemlessly with no risk of anyone getting hurt. Which leads me to my current girl situation:

So I'm interested in the roommate of my friend's girlfriend. I met her a couple of months ago at a Super Bowl party but was discouraged by my friend and his gf to call her. They advised me to wait and get to know her better in a group setting so she'll feel more comfortable around you. I follow their advice and wait for about a month or so, which in the mean time, I've hung out with her in groups another 3-4 times, going out to lunch with her in groups a couple of times after church. (Please note: I didn't ask my friend and his gf if it was too soon to initiate contact. Maybe I should have in hindsight, but I was tired of feeling like I was back in 7th grade, asking a girl's friend if she likes me). So last Sunday, I shoot her an email asking for her number, saying I'd like to give her a call sometime. Still haven't heard anything back yet.

I certainly don't think I have an overinflated view of myself, as Boundless might hypothesize (see "Brother, You're Like a Six" article). I think I'm about an 8, to be honest, and I have pics to prove it!! :) That being said, I don't go after girls "out of my league" and think she was in my range. My question for the ladies is:

What are the rules in dating in general for Christian women? I completely disagree with the Boundless article "Where's the Motivation, Guys?", as I am one of the guys that doesn't mind calling a girl and risking rejection. I think a big problem in the Christian dating scene is that there is no standard set of rules to follow. For one girl (my current interest apparently), you need to have known her since kindergarten and be best friends before you can dare to ask her out or else you're a creep and a pervert. Then you have other girls who are wondering why Christian guys are such wusses and are afraid of women and physical contact with them (see: "Where's the Motivation, Guys?" article). Just from my perspective, the reason guys don't have motivation is because guys that do (like me) don't have much success unless you put in time to be "group hangout" friends. Maybe it's just living in the South (Dallas). Is it different other places? I lived in Chicago for a couple of years, and it seemed like the Christian women there were more open to dating to get to know one another. They didn't feel like they had to decide if they wanted to marry the guy before going to dinner with them. Please advise, oh wise fab females. I'm going to go fill out my eHarmony personality test now...

More Boundless...

In the vein of "you need to know where you came from to know where you're going..." I thought this merited its own call-out:

A Brief History of Courtship and Dating in America: Part 1 and Part 2.

I thought they were good reads and I'm interested in checking out the related Mars Hill Audio he sites.

Dating and Power

I haven't read the book myself, but I came across this quote on a friend's blog. Vincent spent 18 months disguised as a man: she dated women (she's a lesbian), worked a high-pressure sales job, went on a men's retreat, and joined an all-male bowling league.

Dating women as a man was a lesson in female power... I saw my own sex from the other side, and I disliked women irrationally for a while because of it. I disliked their superiority, their accusatory smiles, their entitlement to choose or dash me with a fingertip, an execution so lazy, so effortless, it made the defeats and the successes unbearably humiliating. Typical male power feels by comparison a blunt instrument, its salvos and field strategies laughably remedial next to the damage a woman can do with a single cutting word: "no."

Sex is most powerful in the mind, and to men, in the mind, women have a lot of power, not only to arouse, but to give worth, self-worth, meaning, initiation, sustenance, everything.

- Norah Vincent, writing about her experiences as an undercover man in Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back

Thoughts? How true is this?